Last night, I dreamt a weird dream. We were walking along a gravel path – four of us – and I suddenly collapsed and claimed I couldn’t go on. I remember seeing the number 3.6… and I think this was my blood sugar level. Yes, a little low, but nothing to be collapsing about!
Then we were climbing up a ladder. It was a huge, huge ladder, attached to some kind of concrete pole. We were ascending into the clouds and I felt so shaky and terrified. I was gripping onto the metal rungs for dear life, petrified that my unreliable body would let me down and I would plummet to my death.
Crazily, we were just climbing to reach a cafe in the sky. I reached the top of the ladder and awkwardly tried to manoeuvre onto a stool, but somehow the risk of falling was still immense. I was so scared of slipping, my limbs were exhausted from gripping on so tight. It confused me how this was such a natural thing, and everyone else was okay with it! There was the natural atmosphere of a cafe: clinking cups, soft conversation, and stools dragging across the floor. But it didn’t feel normal to me. All I could think about was falling.
Hmm… I guess this is kind of how I feel now. I feel like everyone is going about their lives as normal, but I am terrified of slipping up. I can’t rely on my body like I used to. I always feel shaky and weak. I can’t hold on like other people can. I don’t remember what it is like to feel normal.