I feel that I catch glimpses of You from time to time. I never stare You straight in the face, but I’ll see some part of You, and in those times I know that it is You.
No, I will never be able to comprehend You. Never. I shouldn’t expect to be able to. I am merely human and You are God.
If I were to pinpoint You, to see You or feel You or hear You… if I were able to point to something and say, ‘that is God’, You would not be the great I Am that You are. Your name would not encompass everything that is as You would just be one thing.
Dear God, for this reason I am glad I have no evidence of You. If I could prove You, perhaps I could understand You. And if I could understand You, either I wouldn’t be human or You wouldn’t be God.
But I am. And You are.
I will be ever grateful and amazed for this holy distinction.
No offense, but here I go: an actual celebratory rant of how wonderful I am.
In early May this year, I was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes. This annoyingly hospitalised me for five days and set me back heaps in my last few weeks of uni. I was now forced to cope with a new way of life, recovery from a horrendous experience in hospital, and irrational emotional issues (i.e. newfound bursts of intense anger).
I won’t go too far into the details, except to say that I went on to complete my last few assignments in time without even applying for special consideration. I found out today that I not only passed these subjects but got two distinctions and two high distinctions!! Then I got two work experience gigs and a new job in my holidays.
HOW did this happen?! Amazing uni results and 3 new jobs after being diagnosed with a life-long illness. I just don’t know who to thank first! My amazing parents who stood by me the whole time, yet also gave me the space to make outrageous decisions? My wonderful boyfriend who overcame his intense fear of hospitals to be by side for much of my stay, as well as continuing to support me even through the emotional struggles, praying for me and loving me? My friends? Always there, treating me and my situation with care. My pastor, who unceasingly prayed for my healing and thought of me? A particular red-headed friend who empathised with me and listened to my woes? My stronger-than-strong-in-faith grandfather who coached me in the healing power of God??
I guess, honestly, I can only ultimately thank God for using this experience to draw me closer to Him, and for bringing these incredible people into my life to help me.
It might not seem like all that much, but I thought I was going to drop out of uni there and then when I was diagnosed. But look at me now, about to start the next semester confidently and with the strongest sense that I am on the right track 🙂